Austin, Texas

At the end of March, I attended a conference in Austin, Texas. This was my second visit, but the first was in August of 2011, which was quite a different experience! During my first visit, I attended a wedding at the completely bone dry Lake Travis. It was a little bleak. This time I got to enjoy the lush green spring with blooming flowers and full bodies of water!

Austin is such a cool city for so many reasons. Yeah, it’s in Texas, which is nobody’s favorite state unless they are from Texas, but Austin has great energy. There is so much innovation – in music, food, art, and even urban design. I couldn’t ever live there due to the climate (I can really only tolerate so much sweat between my boobs), but it is such a fun place to visit.

Because I was staying at the conference hotel downtown, I walked EVERYWHERE. In fact, during my three day visit, I walked an entire marathon. I popped by the capital building, breezed through 6th street (during daylight hours), walked down Rainey Street to see all the new restaurants and bars, watched the bats one evening, got an incredible grilled cheese sandwich from a food truck on south Congress, and walked the entire Ann and Roy Butler bike path around Lady Bird Lake up to South Pleasant Valley Road. It was just beautiful.

Here are some photos:image1(1).JPGIMG_0119.JPGimage3(1).JPGimage2(1).JPGBy the end of my evening walks, which averaged 8-9 miles, I was SPENT. One evening I overestimated my stamina and by the time I got back to my hotel, my blood sugar had plummeted. That is one of the things that has surprised me about pregnancy. When the tank runs dry, it runs dry FAST, and there better be snacks and water nearby.

During my visit I did enjoy a few breakfast tacos, a lot of frozen yogurt, and a burger or two. I also ate about 14 yogurt breakfast parfaits at the conference. I just could not get enough of fresh berries, yogurt, and granola. In fact, even after I returned home, I continued to make my own parfaits. So good.

Speaking of food, the only cloud over my memory of this quick trip is that I got a serious stomach bug somewhere along the way. Luckily, it didn’t manifest itself until I got home, but I will forever remain wary of banquet food and airplanes after this illness. I’ll write more about that in another tantalizing post.

A tale of three ultrasounds

We went for our anatomy scan at 20 weeks. I was excited, but relatively relaxed, because I was feeling Biscuit move frequently enough that I knew he was alive and well. Of course, anatomy scans can reveal a lot of scary things, but we were emotionally prepared for any challenging news. My wife had to run to the restroom, so they ended up calling me back while she was gone. I laid on the table and lowered my waistband and the ultrasound tech got straight to work. When my wife walked into the room, she asked, “Did you find out?” because she was sure I was going to try to find out the gender! She definitely does NOT want to know, and I feel very neutral about knowing, so I agreed not to find out. The US tech then said, “I was going to ask if you wanted to know,” and we both answered in the negative.

Out of curiosity, I asked the tech if she knew the gender, and she said she did! So in the matter of a few swooping scans over the baby, she saw enough to know what it was. That made me think it’s a boy. However, a few minutes later, I could see the femurs. It was the view looking up through a clear floor at the baby’s bum, if he or she were sitting upright with his/her legs out front in a “V.” I could clearly see the V of his/her femurs, and there was nothing in between!! At that point, I was sure it was a girl. Of course, I am NOT a radiologist, and the depth of the scan could have been too high or low to be showing anything in between. My wife thinks I’m crazy. She actually didn’t believe me that you can clearly see the boy parts on the screen, because they are still so little. She and our male friend surmised that if an average male is 5’11”, and an average manhood measures 6-7″, and baby is 11 inches long, then the bits are truly tiny. Obviously the two of them have very little knowledge of prenatal development, so I had to google images of boy ultrasounds to show them what it looks like. In summary, we still did not find out the gender, but it was fun/funny to wonder and try to see.

After the tech did a lot of measurements and swooping over my belly, she let us know that she was not getting up to the baby’s head, because it was wedged way down into my pelvis. Biscuit was not interested in moving, and he didn’t even really demonstrate his impressive karate skills for my wife or the tech. The tech tilted the table waaaaaay back so that I was head down, trying to ease him out of his crevice. Finally she had me get up, stretch, drink some juice, walk around the building, pee, and try again. Nothing worked. She wanted to see his face, which was down toward the floor/my back, and his brain, which was super low. She rescheduled us for another try, a few days later.

The second ultrasound was shorter, because most of the parts had already been measured. However, baby was in the EXACT same position, face down deep into my pelvis. At this point, I started to wonder if he was stuck. Cue: irrational panic. Would his head or brain properly develop if he spent 6 months wedged into my pelvis? Was he caught on a ridge, bump, bone, or something? I didn’t mind at all if he is just uncooperative, I wanted to know that he COULD move if he wanted to move. After appointment number two, at which the tech said “I’ve only ever had this happen once before!” which of course made me wonder what the heck happened with that mama/baby…did everything turn out fine??  The tech scheduled us for ultrasound #3 just 2-3 days later. I scheduled a chiropractor appointment to see if he could adjust/open my hips at all. I did handstands. A lot. I emailed my midwife asking her for reassurance. She responded with a very loving, helpful email saying that everything was probably fine, and three attempts would be the limit. We wouldn’t need to try again.

At the third ultrasound, Biscuit threw us a tiny bone and managed to roll up for just a few moments. It was enough time to catch a shot of his nose/mouth and a better view of his head. The tech sent me to pee, I stretched, and then we made one more attempt, and the little devil had rolled right back into his cubby in my pelvis – face down. She said that she thought she had gotten enough and the maternal fetal medicine doctors would review and let us know. We left assuming that everything was fine and that if we didn’t hear anything, they had enough photos.

I have always been one to say that we would not be using any interventions with pregnancy and childbirth, so the irony of the situation is not lost on me. We attempted insemination with fresh donation and ended up in a clinic with an IUI and donated sperm. I assumed I would skip all but one ultrasound, but I’d already had one at 9 weeks to make sure Biscuit was alive, well, and ALONE in there. Now at 20 weeks I’d had three more ultrasounds trying to see his darn head/face. The lesson is becoming very clear. Whatever I plan…reality will likely be much more complicated.

Here are some of the better shots the ultrasound tech was able to get:

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17, 18, and 19 Weeks

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This was an exciting period of transition for a few reasons. First, I became confident that what I was feeling in my lower abdomen was truly baby movement. I was sitting at my desk at work feeling slightly sorry for myself that I had not yet felt Biscuit* move, for sure. And literally that second, POP, in my uterus. I was startled. A few seconds later, it was confirmed with POKE. It was so funny, and I texted my wife immediately. After that I felt Biscuit move every few hours. My mom described her first feelings of movement as “butterflies,” and I have seen this described before. Boy, can I say, that this did NOT feel like butterflies. Biscuit is a fighter, apparently, because some of those kicks, even the early ones, were hard!! They are so strong, that they are visible from the outside. My wife got to feel Biscuit move during the 17th week, so that was exciting too.

Seventeen weeks also brought the transition from pudgy belly to what could possibly be recognized as a baby bump. It was still very invisible through clothing, and I was still comfortably wearing normal clothes, but I did feel gratified when it started to take shape as more than too many bowls of ice cream during the preceding 4 months.

Eighteen and nineteen weeks passed without much fanfare, though the growth continued at a steady pace. I didn’t have any doctor appointments during this time, because the anatomy scan replaced the regular visit. I still felt fat, I continued to decline in performance at the gym, but nothing else monumental happened.

*Have I written that we call the baby Biscuit? Well, we do. And I’ll likely continue to use that name after his/her birth, both in blogland and in person. Because I like it, and I know him/her as Biscuit now.

Blog catch-up

Okay folks, I’ve been a terrible blogger through most of the second trimester, and not because it has been dull…

I apologize in advance, but I’m about to unload a flurry of posts to catch up with things before the third trimester hits full stride.* It’s probably going to look like I’m experiencing the world’s fastest pregnancy, but it’s actually just a fast-forwarded version of the last ten weeks.

After this, I’m going to try to post at least once a week until the finish line!! Wish me luck.

*By my calculations, the third trimester starting at 28 weeks seems like a load of crap. That leaves 12 weeks. I waited until 13 weeks were complete before “entering” the second trimester, and I think I deserve to enter the third trimester at the end of 26 weeks. So, even though the 42 daily advertising emails arriving in my inbox under the guise of educational support during pregnancy (thanks Ovia, BabyCenter, Pregnancy, Parenting, etc.) say that I’m still in the second trimester, my hips, belly, and exhaustion beg to differ.

Carseats

I hate stuff. Especially stuff that will be used temporarily, get worn out and damaged, or is otherwise considered disposable. I feel the same way about clothes. I rarely buy clothes, and when I do, I intend for them to last a long, long time. Some of my clothes I have been wearing for 15 years. I also don’t like to replace anything until it’s TOAST. Like, unusable. My grandfather lived as a poor farmer through the Great Depression (1930’s, not 2008) and he was very frugal, and collected EVERYTHING he thought might have value. While I can’t stand to have things laying around that don’t serve a distinct and immediate purpose, I think I developed an appreciation for the value of having things that do their jobs well.

All this is to say, I HATE baby stuff. I know that some people get SO excited about decorating a nursery and buying new furniture, but I literally cringe when I receive emails advertising things I “need,”like a giant swing that sings, vibrates, spins, entertains, and teaches baby. Or the diaper bag that doubles as a tent, in case you and baby are caught in the woods in a storm. Okay, I made that one up. It seems like companies are simultaneously trying to create items that do more tasks while thinking of new products to fill a gap where humans used to have to do something manually. It’s also sort of humorous to think of all the brightly-colored shiny new products that are secretly “new” and “improved” versions of something you probably already have around the house. Like baby baths. You do know that’s just a plastic tub, right? I have about 30 of them in my storage closet holding winter hats and scarves, holiday decorations, and camping supplies. They may be clear instead of bright aqua with friendly fishes painted on, but they hold 1-2 inches of water, fit inside my bathtub (or sink), dry quickly between uses, and won’t be damaged by soap! I feel confident in my ability to monitor baby’s position while we wash him/her, without the assistance of a seatbelt.

Now I’m just ranting. Let me get to the point I intended when starting this email. I have finally resigned to ONE item we need to acquire for baby’s safety (I’m still resisting nearly everything else, including a crib). We have chosen the carseat. It’s a Clek Foonf:dragonfly

 

We’re opting to skip the removable baby-carrier carseat that snaps onto the stroller, sits on top of a high chair, and allows baby to sleep soundly in the grocery cart. Why? For one, we’re comfortable with the idea of removing baby from the seat when we get out of the car. I know, we’ll wake him up sometimes. I know, it’s so convenient to take him into a restaurant, set the rig on the floor, and let him chatter away from the safety of his seat while you enjoy your dinner. I think we’ll just hold him. Or skip the restaurant. We’re foregoing this convenience because we hate the idea of two carseats – one for six months and one for later years. In truth, we won’t really be saving any money this way, because we are going with a relatively expensive seat. But I figure it’s worth it for four years and not having to choose/store/resell/recycle two carseats. I would also rather give my money to one company that makes a quality product rather than two companies who make two cheaper versions of the same thing. We may re-evaluate with Kid #2, but this is where we are heading for now.

What about you? Did you love or loathe the carseat you chose or were given? Are you one of those lucky people who live in an area with enough public transit that you don’t need to drive a car and buy a seat? Will you buy a seat for every car and every stage of your child’s development?

14, 15, and 16 weeks

Here I am again, posting a tardy and boring update. The second trimester has proven to be about as uneventful as the first. But less exciting. I hear stories of women who just felt like they were walking on air during pregnancy, so thankful to be growing a new life, feeling so healthy and vibrant. I hear about the energy boost they get after about 13 weeks that leaves them feeling refreshed and inspired. I hear about so many women who LOVED that during pregnancy they felt no guilt about eating an extra cookie, enjoying chocolate milkshakes, or helping themselves to seconds of every meal, because this was the time in their lives when they had the ultimate excuse – pregnancy.

Me? I’m just sort of … bored. Don’t get me wrong, I’m VERY happy to be pregnant, but I don’t have any of those whimsical and magical feelings or experiences that everyone seems to describe. I feel fine. Mostly great. Slightly constipated and occasionally tired, but generally very normal.

I keep telling myself that this little adventure will get more exciting when I can tell that this bulge around my belly button is BABY and not BROWNIES. I also look forward to feeling him/her move in there. I had one little flutter when I was lying in bed at the 16-week mark that felt slightly different than gas. That might have been it. But 4 days later, and I haven’t noticed a similar feeling.

I know I’ll probably look back and wish I had cherished this time more. I’ll probably feel like it flew by and wish that I had paid more attention or slowed down to smell the pregnancy flowers. But right now, I’m wishing it to hurry up.

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More awkward half-nude photos. 15 weeks.

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Trying not to feel like this is weirddd.

As far as the day-to-day, I’m still wearing my normal clothes, though a few pair of pants are probably too tight at the waistband for me to reasonably squeeze into. I’m still going to the gym 5-6 days a week and walking a few miles each day between dog walks, walking to work, and some lunchtime strolls. I can tell that I am getting weaker and have less endurance. Food is all still the same as before pregnancy – I eat a lot and love it all. As has been true since the beginning, I crave sweet, starchy foods like cinnamon rolls and doughnuts 24/7. I’ve gained between 8-10 pounds, I think, and I blame it all on desserts. I can see the weight in a thickening layer of fat around my thighs, midsection, and upper arms. While I have been eating my normal fruit/nut/whole grain/bean/vegetable/cheese diet, I’ve added in more calories for desserts. And I am annoyed at myself for doing so, but my willpower is diminished.

Sleep has also been pretty normal, and I get around 8 hours each night. I have been plagued with a middle-of-the-night wake-up in which I can lay in bed for an hour or two pondering all sorts of irrelevant and interesting things. Luckily, that doesn’t happen more than a couple of times a week.

We continue to ski most weekends, go to the movies, have dinner with friends, and watch a lot of Netflix in the evenings. I’m sure that in 6-8 months, we’ll look back at this life and think about how leisurely, peaceful, indulgent, or maybe even boring it was. We’re enjoying our time together, and I do have a haunting reminder that it is limited, knowing that our lives will soon be turned upside down.

We have still only purchased a few clothing items that I found on clearance online. We are minimalist and hope NOT to have a bunch of gear/furniture/clothes/toys specifically for baby. For one thing, we can’t fit it. For another, both of us HATE clutter and will happily purge nearly anything in our paths in order to gain more simplicity. My mom keeps reminding me that people WANT to get you gifts, but I keep telling her that we don’t WANT any gifts. I know that she and my aunts/friends will win this battle. I just hope that we can channel their sweet sentiments into something useful, instead of a bunch of adorable outfits that only get worn once or blinking, bouncing, bright bobbles that nobody needs.

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Skiing, a few weeks ago.

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Our ridiculous dog, who believes she is entitled to all the snuggles, all the blankets, and as much space on the couch as she desires.

11, 12, and 13 Weeks

*I started this post 3 weeks ago and haven’t had time to finish it. Seeing as though tomorrow is 14 weeks, I’m going to squish these three weeks together and call it good.*

11 Weeks:

Round Ligament Pain. Yeow. To be honest, this symptom made me pretty nervous for a few days. It feels similar to when something presses on your bladder and you have to pee, but it’s typically on one side or the other, and I don’t have to pee. I wouldn’t exactly call it pain, but maybe discomfort or tension? First I feared I was getting a UTI. After getting NO other UTI symptoms, I started to fear that something was going wrong in my uterus. At this point, though, after much reading on Google, I’m pretty sure that it’s round ligament pain. It is worse when I’m exercising or moving around quite a bit. I don’t really feel it when I’m sitting down. Knowing (or thinking I kn0w) what it is has made it much less problematic, because the uncertainty was more distressing than the physical symptom.

We visited a ghost town in southern Colorado for New Years and stayed in a hotel/depot from the late 1800’s that is currently being restored. It was cold, but fun. We saw the thermostat get to -12 in the evening, but I’m sure it got much colder than that overnight. We ate dinner in Breckenridge one night, spent a lot of cozy time reading in bed, and enjoyed a little getaway from home and work. We also saw a fox, three moose, lots of deer, and some bunnies. You guys, moose are HUGE. They were beautiful, slightly frightening, and humongous.

One day we visited the natural hot springs and soaked for a bit. The temperature of one pool was just under 100, so I spent some time lounging in there. Another pool was in the low 90’s, so I also splashed around a bit in that one. I sat in the warm pool (about 104) for a bit, but kept everything above my hips out of the water by perching on some rocks and wrapping my upper body in a towel. I definitely would have enjoyed the experience more without wondering if I was cooking the baby, but I was pleased to see two other pregnant women also soaking. One looked to be about 18-20 weeks, and one was 32ish weeks. Both of them had small children with them, so I figured that they must know what they were doing, since they had successfully given birth at least once. Impeccable logic, right??

We had an absolutely beautiful cross-country ski on the second day. The very cold temperatures help the snow stay nice and slick. Our dogs were in heaven – they love romping through thick snow and sniffing for wildlife. We skied for about 2.5 hours and then drove back home to unload the car and prepare for the week. That evening, I splurged and drank a root beer. It really backfired and made a very quick exit through my lower intestinal track over the following few hours. I’m not super strict about sugar (in fact, I’ve been eating honey nut cheerios like a madwoman), but I think the fountain soda was just too much for my system. Lesson learned.

No other major symptoms to report. I still don’t like the smell of our shampoos and lotions. I haven’t been as ravenously hungry, which is a small relief. I have also been having less light-headed fatigued spells in the late afternoon than I had over the last few weeks.

12 Weeks:

This week was fairly uneventful. I did notice while walking my dogs that I felt more “normal” than I had for about 6 weeks, so I guess this is the energy surge folks have promised. Round ligament pain continues on occasion, but the more hydrated I am, the less I feel it. I started to feel like a real cow this week, and I think I’ve gained about 5 pounds. I’ll write more about my feelings about this later.

I ordered a bunch of maternity clothes on clearance this week. I found LOTS of dresses for next summer on outrageously cheap sales, so I stocked up. I figure I’ll resort to a uniform of dresses and leggings when my regular clothes no longer fit. I also splurged and ordered a few baby outfits (also on clearance) for next winter from Polarn y Pyret. SO CUTE. I’ll post photos when they arrive. It felt a little risky to be ordering them this early, but who can resist baby skinny jeans? Not me.

My wife was in DC this week, so I spent some solid time feeling sorry for myself that I had to try to keep the house clean, walk the dogs by myself, work, and feed myself. I know exactly how pathetic that sounds. One of the main symptoms that has emerged in the early part of the second semester is overwhelming love. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not really very emotive, and my wife knows I love her, but she is usually more interested in snuggling than I am. You guys, I cannot get enough. It’s so funny. I long for her when we’re apart, I can’t get close enough to her when we’re together, and I’m just head over heels for her 24 hours a day. Clearly my hormones are swinging in a new direction.

13 Weeks:

Symptoms have all but tapered off. I still don’t like the smell of many candles, lotions, or body products, but food and sleep seem pretty normal. Constipation made its first unwelcome appearance during this pregnancy. I have read that is common during the second trimester. I need to be better about staying very hydrated and eating more fruit/less cheese, I guess.

We skied this weekend at Keystone, and it was a positive experience. My wife is just learning, so short days with lots of breaks lead to more good feelings about skiing (not panic). I have been skiing since I was 3, and it is super important to me that we develop skiing as a family activity, so I need her to feel more comfortable sliding down the hill. She was a very good sport, despite a few falls. My mom and best friend looked and me sideways for skiing, but I’m as comfortable on skis as I am on a bike, and we really only stick to greens and easy blues until my wife develops her skills a bit more.

I also finished telling almost everyone about the pregnancy this week, including my supervisors. I’ll post more about that later.

Sadly, we missed our 12-week appointment (which was scheduled for 13 weeks due to wife’s travel), because we thought it was scheduled for 1:30, and when we arrived we found out it was actually 1:10. No, they wouldn’t see us late. Despite the fact that EVERY time I go, I wait for 20 minutes to be seen. We rescheduled for Friday, which will be 14 weeks, but whatever.

*I have belly shots to upload from MANY weeks. They are starting to become more worthwhile, as my gut is becoming more prominent. I am not finding that as rewarding as I had hoped. I’ll try to get them up for next week’s update.*

Advice Needed: Telling My Boss

Okay, folks. I need some advice. I am at the point where I need to tell my supervisor that I’m pregnant. All three supervisors above me are women with young-ish children, so I have no concerns about them taking the news poorly. Two out of three are also employment attorneys, so I am not concerned that they will do or say anything out of line. The problem is this: I don’t like my supervisor. We have had a few “incidents” lately related to work, and while we are cordial and professional, we don’t chit chat or joke around, really.

I would like to tell her by email. Google tells me that is a bad idea. But the idea of a phony “ooooh, that’s wonderful, how exciting!” conversation seems really unpleasant. I’m not a warm person, generally. And I definitely don’t like to share personal information. So talking about my body, health, or growing baby with someone I don’t like is akin to poking needles under my fingernails.

What say ye? Can I send a brief, polite, professional email to my two immediate supervisors (as soon as one knows, the other will know within seconds)? Is that too faux pas? Advice, please!!

10 Weeks

I’m almost a week late on this post, and I think I may have missed nine weeks, but there is nothing really exciting to share. I continue to feel pretty good most days. There is a tangible difference between days when I’m hydrated and days when I fell behind drinking water. The effect comes the following day. If I wake up without having peed sometime in the night, I’m already off to a bad start. I feel more achy, icky, and cranky. However, the days following a big water day, I feel nearly 100%.

I’m still ravenously hungry in the mornings. I can easily put down two bowls of cereal, eggs, yogurt, some fruit, and a muffin between 6 and 9 a.m., if I have access to them all. I also eat my packed lunch between 10 and 11. By noon, the hunger has subsided, and I make it through the afternoon until dinner with just a small snack or two. I can’t stomach a huge dinner. Something small to medium is satisfying and keeps me full through the night.

I’m having a tiny bit of heartburn, especially if I eat a lot in a short time span. I’m also getting an acidic stomach on occasion. It seems to be after I eat more sugar than I should (read: Christmas cookies). Otherwise, I’m thankfully not nauseated.

This week I’m craving honey nut cheerios with almond milk and bananas. I wake up thinking about them and could eat them all day long if I let myself. I don’t, but I would like to. My peanut butter cravings seem to have passed, as well as my endless cravings for cinnamon rolls and other sweet pastries. Though, I will ALWAYS eat a donut.

Sleep has been mixed. Sometimes I sleep straight through from 9 p.m. to 4:30 a.m. Other nights I wake up at 1:00 and will lay in bed, wide awake, until about 4:00. Having holidays off work does not help, because I inevitably sleep in later on those days and it throws off my sleep schedule. But, I enjoy the warm, cozy mornings in bed.

I continue to make it to the gym 4-5 days each week. My capacity has really diminished, and I’m pretty exhausted after a warm-up. I’m increasingly feeling apprehensive about things like box jumps and rope climbs. I need to have the conversation with my coaches so that they know why I’m “taking it easy.” Otherwise they give me the side-eye, because they know I’m not doing as much as I can. I figure I’ll have that talk next week, when I’m almost 12 weeks.

Overall, I’m happy to be in double digits, happy to be “1/4” of the way there, and very happy to be so close to the end of the first trimester. I’m looking forward to hopefully hearing baby’s heartbeat on the doppler at our 13-week appointment for reassurance that he’s still kicking it in there.

In other news, my cousin’s water broke about 4 hours ago, and we’re anxiously waiting to hear that baby Ellie has been born. I hope we get to go see and squeeze her soon!

Reactions

We’ve told most of our families and close friends now, and we’ve gotten some pretty amusing (and a few infuriating) reactions.

Telling an aunt/uncle in California:
“We’ll see you for next Christmas, and we’ll be bringing a baby!”
“What?? From where??”

Telling our cousins over Christmas dinner:
We had my dad, who always give a hilarious drunken grace before dinner, include the fact that we would have TWO babies join us in the upcoming year (a cousin is about to burst any day now). Several people’s first reaction was to look at my brother and his fiancee, the only hetero, coupled,  baby-bearing-aged people at the table and shout, “what!?!?!”

Once we clarified that it was actually US expecting baby number 2, they were very excited, but asked, “HOW??” I answered by saying, “We prayed and prayed and prayed!”

Telling our good friends over dinner:
Us: “We have big plans for next summer, too. We’re having a baby!”
Friend 1: “Who is pregnant??”Friend 2: “Look who is drinking beers and who is drinking water…”

Telling my hair stylist who I’ve known my whole life:
Her: “Oh my gosh! Was it intended??”
Me: “Um, yes…”She later REALLY pissed me off with this line of questioning:
Her: “So, how does it work – is the baby both of yours?”
Me: “Yes, it’s just like if we were a man and a woman – we are both the parents.”
Her: “So if you split up, you would both have custody?”
Me: “Yes, we would both have custody.”
Her: “You must really like this girl.”
Me: “Well, I did marry her…”

Overall, we have had very positive reactions, just quite a bit of confusion. I’m not really sure how we could have set the conversations up to be more clear, but it’s also amusing to watch the puzzled looks on people’s faces until they figure a few things out. I’m always happy to rattle off the basic details of our donor, if people want to hear them, but at the same time I can hear their hesitancy in whether it would be polite to ask. One thing that has really surprised me is how many people have asked about what types of doctors we saw and how many tries it took. Can you imagine asking a hetero couple how many months they had been having sex trying to make a baby? Or how many times they had sex the month it succeeded? I don’t really mind sharing information, because I feel like the less people wonder, the better. We feel supported, but I also wish there was a way to convey the appropriate amount of information without the confusing and awkward follow-up questions and answers.