How to POAS with class

TMI warning re: urine

You could say that my journey reached an all-time low today (CD13, btw), literally, not figuratively. It all started when I woke up to feed our fourteen year-old dog at 6:00. Being so elderly (her, not me), if she wakes up and doesn’t eat right away, she vomits bile. It’s not a big issue, but I have learned to hear her pacing in my sleep and leap out of bed and dart to the kitchen without fully waking up in order to avoid cleaning vomit off the floor. I heard her pacing at 6:00 this morning and I begrudgingly rolled out from the covers to fill her bowl. In my half-sleep fog, I then stumbled into the bathroom to pee. About 5 seconds into the stream, I realized that I’m in the phase when I need to pee on the OPK every morning to catch the smile. So, I pinched, stood up, grabbed the white canister of cheapie sticks, the little plastic cup, a new CBE purple stick, and the CBE tester out of the cabinet. I use both methods, because I think that together they allow me to better predict ovulation. Or, I’m a sucker for buying things that are SUPPOSED to help me predict it.

I managed to hold it in (the pee) midstream while I tore open the CBE test stick with one hand and my teeth. Then I caught a sample, midstream in the cup, and finished with the CBE, barely getting the last few drops. As I turned to throw away the wrapper in the wastebasket, of course the little plastic cup slid off my knee onto the floor, splashing pee onto the wall. I knew my tank was empty, and the CBE had enough for a reading, but I don’t give up easily. So, I wiped, pulled up my skivvies, and crouched down onto the floor to hold the little cheapie test strip in the tiny puddle that collected where the floor met the wall. I kind of wish my wife would have walked in on me then. She already thinks I over-monitor, but I can only imagine what she would have thought of me crouching on the floor in (only) my underwear next to the toilet.

Well, the CBE gave me a flashing smile, which I tried not to view as it laughing at me, and the floor-stick gave me a positive. At that point I realized there was a wee bit of wee left in the spilled cup, so I used another cheapie to test it. Curiously, it did not quite get as dark as the test line (negative). How did the two sticks came up with different results? I have no idea. Maybe there is LH in our floor cleaner.

I don’t think anyone ever claimed TTC was dignified.

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