A cruel tease (?)

Last night, on the evening of 12DPO, I got pink-tinged CM. My period arriving that early would be unusual for me. I’ve also never had any bleeding or spotting between periods. AF typically shows up at 14DPO or 15DPO. I’m very confident of the day I ovulated, so I know my count is correct.

All other signs point to AF showing up – deflated boobs, very slight cramping (or gas pains?), and no noticeable signs of possible pregnancy.

Yet, I can’t quit hoping that it was a late implantation bleed. I never felt any implantation pain, and I know it’s really unlikely, since no other signs are positive. I packed tampons and Ibuprofen in my work bag this morning. And now I’m just sitting here waiting. It feels like my period will start sometime soon, but I wish it wouldn’t! I will probably test Sunday (15DPO) if AF hasn’t arrived. I know testing now would be pretty accurate, but I prefer to find out the hard way and cling to that tiny fraction of hope in the meantime.

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11DPO

Just popping in to say that I’m not having any interesting or positive signs this cycle. In fact, I think my boobs have deflated a bit and lost sensitivity, which typically happens a few days before my period. It should arrive Saturday or Sunday, if it does come. I’m trying to stay optimistic and remember the tales from many, many women who say they were sure their period was about to arrive when they got their BFP. I think/thought I had some pangs and cramping between 8-10DPO, but I’m 50% sure I created it in my mind and 50% sure it was the result of bean chili we made, haha.

It’s looking like the logistics of trying again using our LA RE are slim, so we will likely wait out the remaining three months of the quarantine. If my period does arrive, I’ll spend some time early next week searching for a clinic that will receive our remaining 13 vials to use in future IUIs. This also gives me a chance to log 3 months at my new job (starting Monday) so that I am eligible for maternity leave 9 months later. I absolutely hate taking ANOTHER extended TTC break (this will be our second 3-4 month break), but it seems like the reasonable thing to do. As a silver lining, it will give me a chance to get into a better workout routine, since my diet, exercise, and general health really suffered during our California-to-Colorado transition.

In brighter news, we’ve settled into our new home and I’ll be working 1 mile away. My wife works between 2-3 miles away, so we’re finally finished with long commutes. We’ve been spending a lot of time with my family, which I enjoy, but also drives me batty. My wife tolerates it pretty well. She is really enjoying training for this seasons’ triathlons, and we’re mapping out our summer music festival/race/camping schedule. It is so relieving to feel more settled and in control of our upcoming schedule.

I have my fingers crossed for those of you approaching the end of your TWW. I’m also eager to see some squishy new babies from those of you quickly approaching the end of your FORTY WEEK WAIT! And I’m really excited to hear news of “The Call” from those of you waiting to adopt! Good luck to everyone!

Annoyed

As I’ve mentioned, we are unsure what the next three months will look like on the TTC front here, because our sperm are stuck in LA until at least June 15th. We know with some certainty that we don’t want to try during April, because it would likely give the poor bloke a Christmas/New Years birthday. I know that it’s silly to skip cycles for that reason, but it’s important to us, so we are. That leaves question marks for March and May. I’ve just realized that March is out, because I have to attend my 20 year-old cousin’s baby shower. She and her 25 year-old boyfriend of 6 months have “accidentally” gotten pregnant (due June). Oh, and did I mention, he has sole custody over his three year-old twins who he accidentally conceived with another previous girlfriend? Many of the more traditional members of my extended family are less than pleased. I’m trying to be emotionally supportive of her, because it’s kind of a crappy situation any way you look at it (neither of them have degrees or jobs, and they live in my aunt’s basement). But I’m irritated that her emergency baby shower falls right when I will probably ovulate next month. To be completely honest, I’m also irritated that biology and the Universe have favored two completely ill-equipped individuals with a pregnancy, and all of our deliberate planning, preparation, and effort have thus far been for naught. I feel a little bit snotty writing this, but I just needed to vent it. I am sure the baby shower will be moderately miserable (aren’t they all?) and that the baby will be absolutely adorable when he arrives, but in the meantime, I’m annoyed.

Maybe I’ll have to eat my words in 9 days when we know the outcome of this cycle, haha.

In the meantime, here is a picture of one of my fur babies. He is also annoyed, because I’m taking his photo. Annoyance comes naturally to him.

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IUI #1 Insemination & TMI re: toilet paper

Well, the OPK turned positive on Friday morning, so a Saturday morning insem was scheduled. My wife was supposed to fly in Saturday morning, but she would not have made it to the appointment, so we had to book a last-minute Friday night flight. Because we have moved out of our house in San Diego, we stayed at a friend’s house Friday night. We showered that night, because we planned to up super early to drive to LA, and I didn’t want to wake them up. Luckily we hit no traffic, and arrived at the doctor’s office about 20 minutes early. I felt a little funny not having showered immediately prior, so I seized the opportunity to visit the loo and use one of those gynecological wipes. You know the ones? They are like the wipes they give you after a lobster dinner to clean the lobster and drawn butter off your hands, but specially formulated for cleaning lobster and drawn butter off your lady bits. So, I had a quick restroom bath. But the wipe, see, it was really effective. It was really, really wet. And so, in my already anxious mind, I decided that it would be best to try to dry things off a little. After all, I didn’t want the doctor to think I was that kind of excited for this appointment. So I took some toilet paper, and even though a voice in my head yelled “BAD IDEA” I attempted to blot things a bit to dry them. Bad idea. The toilet paper shredded, leaving little bits here and there and everywhere. I attempted to clean them all off, already embarrassed at the idea of the doctor finding debris in my bits. Well, I did the best I could and headed for the stirrups.

We waited for the doctor in the exam room for about 20 more minutes, while I lounged pants-less on the halfway-reclined exam table. After 15 minutes of idle chit chat with my wife, it dawned on me that SHE could check for errant TP crumbles. I coerced her into peering under the paper sheet and investigating. She found and removed three little stowaways. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.

Eventually the doctor came in. I asked him to give me the dildo-cam first so that we could see the egg. Unfortunately, it had already set sail, and he could see the fluid where the egg had been. Is this normal? He said it meant that I probably ovulated about an hour or so earlier. I’m hoping that means it’s still possible, but I was a little disappointed not to see it’s tiny round face smiling back at me from the ovary. The doctor made a couple of colorful jokes about how many women he was inseminating that day (Valentine’s Day). He also asked me if I could feel it (the speculum and catheter). When I told him “a little bit,” he said, “Good, this can’t be without feeling.” Har har har.

We then headed back down to San Diego to say goodbye to a few friends and have fondue for Valentine’s dinner. Sunday morning we got in the car and headed east. We hit snow on I-70, and we finally arrived home in Boulder Monday afternoon. I tried not to spend the entire 20+ hours in the car over-analyzing every bit of the insemination, considering whether sitting in a car for two days would help things or hurt things, and wondering what we will do in future months if this try didn’t work. Now I’m back at work, and I need to catch up on Mama et Maman‘s 14-Day challenge!

IUI #1, Coming right up!

Well, after about five months off, we’re finally ready to get back to work. To refresh your memory, we started trying in January 2014. Over the last year, we sporadically used a known donor to try at-home ICI’s. There were six or seven tries total. Some were timed pretty well (I think) and others not so much. Nary a BFP was seen. Wanting to shake things up a little bit, we found a new known donor in September of last year, he donated several timesĀ for us at an RE’s office near his home in LA, and last month I had my first appointment with that doctor to check out my guts. We got the green light following bloodwork and a dildo-cam photo shoot. Yesterday I had my “monitoring” ultra-sound to see how my uterus garden was growing. RE said my lining looked great, and I had one big juicy egg waiting. At 16.5mm on CD 12, he thought I would ovulate around CD 15 or 16, which is pretty normal for me. I have to admit that it was pretty rewarding to see an egg growing in there – it made the process much more real, in a weird way. The doctor gave me a high five for the egg and lining. Now I’m POAS twice daily waiting for the OPK to turn positive. I’m working in San Diego this week, so I’ll drive up to LA when it’s time. My wife lands in SD on Saturday morning, so we are reeaaaalllly hoping that the egg waits until Sunday…

After the doc does the dirty work, we are packing up and heading for the hills, leaving San Diego in the rear view mirror. I have a job offer in Denver, and I have another interview in Boulder next week. We have rented a condo in Colorado, and I FINALLY get to stop commuting to San Diego every other week. We started the process of moving from San Diego to Boulder when my wife got an irresistable job in mid-September. Though the months have passed fairly smoothly, we are SO ready to close this transitional chapter in our lives. I’ll write about the adventures of having my wife and dogs live with my parents for four months in a future post…

Living in Colorado full-time presents a new problem with TTC, because our sperms are still stuck in LA. If this cycle doesn’t work, we may wait out the final three months of the six-month quarantine and move them to an RE in Colorado. Alternatively, we (I?) might fly out to LA for a try in the meantime, but it sure does get tricky trying to buy flights based on estimated ovulation time, haha. I also won’t have a lot of PTO accrued in a new job. I have a little voice whispering in the back of my mind telling me that I shouldn’t try to get pregnant in the first three months of a new job, because it’s not ideal to take maternity leave during your first year of employment. Though, I do think either potential employer would be accommodating. The job in Denver gives ten weeks, 100% paid paternity leave if you’ve worked there for 2 years. I’m just not willing to wait that long!

So, I’ll just be over here waiting for that second OPK line to show up and packing my last boxes. I hope that those of you in the TWW are staying busy, and a huge congratulations to the BFPs that have been popping up!! I am also loving seeing the squishy little faces of your new additions! So many twins lately – I love it! To the rest of you (us), keep on keepin’ on!