This week I celebrated my second birthday since we began the TTC journey. It’s funny looking back at January 2014, our first try, and thinking we could have a 8/9 month-old child now.
I don’t have too many feelings about being 33, but the one area of my life that is now where I want it to be is parenting. I am happy with job, home, family, fitness. But I am completely sick of waiting around and not trying. The only person I have to blame for that is myself, though, because I pushed strongly for using a known donor. If we’d gone the route of choosing a donor from a “catalog,” we would be much further along in the process. In fact, we’d probably be in the throes of diapers, bottles, and sleep deprivation. Hopefully, the peace of mind I will have many years from now, being able to tell the kid(s) that I did meet the donor, and he was a very kind, organized, thoughtful person, and that one day they can meet him if they would like, will pay off. I often joke that the kids will not care one bit about who the donor was, and this extra effort will be for naught.
On birthdays, I always like to play a game and figure out what we were doing one year ago. N and I were blown away by the huge changes in our lives that have happened in the last year, and that made me feel a little better about not being preggo or having a baby. The transition between two jobs for me and one for her, plus moving to Colorado (my ideal location, and now hers too) would likely not have happened if we had gotten pregnant in those early at-home attempts. Those attempts were also with Known Donor #1, who was a nice enough guy but pales in comparison to Known Donor #2. So I guess there is comfort in the facts that many more “ducks” are in a row now, we can walk the journey in the city where we feel at home, we have better jobs, we have a lot more family and friends around, and we now know where we’ll be for as long as we can imagine.
I can say without question that I am in a better place, personally, at 33 than I was at 32. A year ago I HATED my job, struggled to like where we lived, and was definitely less fit/active. I’m glad to be where I am, and I really hope that a year from now we are either new parents or anxiously waiting for an impending birth.