The IUI happened on Friday, so we are approximately 5DPO. I’m not exactly sure when I ovulated, but the trigger was 1:00 a.m. Thursday, so I figure ovulation was sometime on Friday.
The IUI itself was miserable. A nurse performed it, and I was initially delighted that it was a woman and not the creepy doctor. However, after several minutes of her stabbing my cervix, I was regretting my initial delight. She simply could not get the catheter all the way through the cervix to reach the uterus. I was trying really hard not to express any pain, because I did not want to make her more nervous or tense. Finally, I had to get up and walk into the next exam room, because the ultrasound machine was in there. She did offer that I could put my pants back on before walking down the hall, but I opted for using the paper sheet as a sarong, because I didn’t want to waste any time, and I wanted the procedure to be over with ASAP.
The ultrasound tech, who I really like, was happy to help. But even with a better visual using the U/S, the nurse still could not get the catheter in. I think she basically evacuated the load in my cervix. Which equals an ICI. And we can do those at home.
My poor wife was sitting in the chair watching with HUGE eyes. She could tell, because she knows me, that my twisted hands indicated extreme pain. And she also had the pleasure of watching bloody instruments going in and coming out of my vagina.
The nurse tried to tell me that I have a sharp bend in my cervix that makes entering my uterus very challenging. What I did not tell the nurse (yet) is that I have had one IUI, which I barely felt. I also had an HSG just over a month ago, and the doctor skillfully navigated into my uterus with the catheter, spewed dye all over the place, and exited within about 4 minutes. This IUI took almost half an hour of her jabbing, twisting, and re-inserting, and I think she wasted our vial of liquid gold.
If this cycle does not work, I’ll be having a long talk with the doctor and head nurse about how I wasted my money paying them to screw it up. It was SO frustrating knowing that I had enjoyed five days of clomid-induced constipation (the likes of which I have never experienced), woke up at 1 a.m. to trigger, and paid a gabillion dollars for bullsh!t tests mandated by the clinic to have them drop the ball on the one yard line. It was so painful knowing that the sperm weren’t deposited deep into the uterus to swim their way out the Fallopian tubes and find the eggs. Instead, I pictured them stuck and dying in the cervix, which was undoubtedly swollen and bleeding from the trauma.
Now, I know sperm can swim, so I’m hopeful that one or two of the little devils made it through the uterus. If it worked, I will look back and laugh and eventually send the clinic a cheery Christmas card. I am trying to remain positive and hopeful, so we will see what the next nine days bring. In the meantime, I have no symptoms yet, and I’m waiting to feel some magical implantation tug or pang.
Cross your fingers for me that the worst IUI ever somehow created the best baby ever. Thanks!!