Our First Glimpse

We had our first appointment yesterday with the CNM. They took pee, blood, more pee, my weight, blood pressure, and did a breast and pelvic exam. Then we checked the little bugger out on the ultrasound. The CNM said that it was standard for us to have a peek, since it’s the first appointment, but I let her know that we’re ultrasound averse, so I would prefer not to have them every appointment, and only when necessary. She said that they don’t do them unless necessary, though many parents want to see their “bun in the oven” as often as possible. One of the things we were checking yesterday was how many babes might be growing, since three follicles were ripe at insemination. Luckily, we found only one. While we would have been happy (yet apprehensive) about two, we feel much more comfortable adapting to one new family member in our lives.

The ultrasound was performed via dildo cam, with which I am well acquainted. The CNM was MUCH more gentle than the ultrasound tech at the fertility clinic though, which kind of amused me. I’m sure she didn’t want to disturb the baby, but I’m used to that thing rooting around in there, hunting for ovaries, counting follicles, etc.

Our first glimpse of baby was a little startling. His head was obvious, and he was waving his little hands. It was bizarre to me to SEE him move, but not FEEL him move. It’s also strange how human he looks – I still think of a little blob of cells. His little heart was ticking steadily away at 171 bpm. We could see it from almost every angle and we heard it for a minute or so. It sounded strong. We saw his eye sockets and the beginnings of his bone formations. We also saw the yolk sack. He measured spot on at9 weeks and 4 days, which is precisely when we had the IUI. I enjoyed seeing him, and it made the pregnancy seem much more real. Well, maybe more accurately, it made his presence as an entirely separate being inside me, with a human body and independent movements, more real. It’s odd to have something, or someone, foreign inside you. The pregnancy itself has seemed real since about 6 weeks.

The CNM printed us a boatload of those blurry ultrasound photos. I’ve always thought those are strange, though I’ve happily ooo’d and awwww’d at many friends’ first baby photos while thinking…that really just looks like a stormy black sky with some white clouds. I feel the same about our photos, haha. I like the one that shows the heartbeat pattern, and I really enjoyed seeing him MOVE, but the photos aren’t that interesting or meaningful to me. My wife seems to like them, especially the one where his eyes are apparent, so I think she’ll save them or send them to family.

As soon as we saw him and everything looked good, I wanted that wand OUT of there. I did not like the idea that the extra radiation or heat could be bothering him. I wanted us to leave him alone. The CNM was super sweet and we probably only watched him for a few minutes, but as soon as I felt assured that he was growing and developing normally, I was ready to let him get onto his fluttering, growing, and snoozing business.

It sounds like we’ll see him again at 20 weeks for the anatomy scan, and then hopefully not again until he is born. I’m using the pronoun “he”, but I really have no idea if bugger is a he or she. Of course those particular organs have not even developed yet, so there is no possible way we could see them, but something about his little image made me feel boy. It is not a strong conviction, by any means, but it will be amusing to see if I’m correct.

Now we wait until our next milestone – 12 week appointment, which we actually scheduled for 13 weeks, since my wife will be at a conference the week prior. I’ll try to remember to upload some of the ultrasound photos into this post later.

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