Reactions

We’ve told most of our families and close friends now, and we’ve gotten some pretty amusing (and a few infuriating) reactions.

Telling an aunt/uncle in California:
“We’ll see you for next Christmas, and we’ll be bringing a baby!”
“What?? From where??”

Telling our cousins over Christmas dinner:
We had my dad, who always give a hilarious drunken grace before dinner, include the fact that we would have TWO babies join us in the upcoming year (a cousin is about to burst any day now). Several people’s first reaction was to look at my brother and his fiancee, the only hetero, coupled,  baby-bearing-aged people at the table and shout, “what!?!?!”

Once we clarified that it was actually US expecting baby number 2, they were very excited, but asked, “HOW??” I answered by saying, “We prayed and prayed and prayed!”

Telling our good friends over dinner:
Us: “We have big plans for next summer, too. We’re having a baby!”
Friend 1: “Who is pregnant??”Friend 2: “Look who is drinking beers and who is drinking water…”

Telling my hair stylist who I’ve known my whole life:
Her: “Oh my gosh! Was it intended??”
Me: “Um, yes…”She later REALLY pissed me off with this line of questioning:
Her: “So, how does it work – is the baby both of yours?”
Me: “Yes, it’s just like if we were a man and a woman – we are both the parents.”
Her: “So if you split up, you would both have custody?”
Me: “Yes, we would both have custody.”
Her: “You must really like this girl.”
Me: “Well, I did marry her…”

Overall, we have had very positive reactions, just quite a bit of confusion. I’m not really sure how we could have set the conversations up to be more clear, but it’s also amusing to watch the puzzled looks on people’s faces until they figure a few things out. I’m always happy to rattle off the basic details of our donor, if people want to hear them, but at the same time I can hear their hesitancy in whether it would be polite to ask. One thing that has really surprised me is how many people have asked about what types of doctors we saw and how many tries it took. Can you imagine asking a hetero couple how many months they had been having sex trying to make a baby? Or how many times they had sex the month it succeeded? I don’t really mind sharing information, because I feel like the less people wonder, the better. We feel supported, but I also wish there was a way to convey the appropriate amount of information without the confusing and awkward follow-up questions and answers.

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12 responses

  1. For some reason people feel it is ok to ask more questions that I am certain they would ever ask a hetero couple. I always feel some of it is personal and depending on who is asking is how I answer. Your hair stylist though…YIKES

  2. Oh boy… I am nervous about getting some of these reactions from aunts/uncles… So far our immediate family and best friends were totally respectful, but they also knew we were trying.

    • Yes, I still have a few people who I am not looking forward to telling. I’ve done a pretty good job resolving to ignore their thoughts and feelings, because frankly, we’re thrilled.

  3. I’m totally (hopefully someday) going to use your response… “We prayed and prayed and prayed!” 🙂 I had similar questions about what info to provide and how to do so regarding our wedding… We ended up doing many non traditional things so I included a little poem in our invitation that pointed out some of the obvious things and answered questions I’m sure particular family members were thinking in their head. I thought about sending pregnancy announcements with a similar idea maybe in Q & A form with just the details we want to share.

    • I like the idea of the pregnancy announcement. Our cousins, who range from vaguely Christian to firmly atheist, were very amused with the praying bit, especially given the Christmas timing.

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