Attachment Advice Needed

So, my wife and I went out of our way to really try to balance out our daughter’s attachment to both of us. We split the first six months of work – I worked mornings and she worked afternoons. I pumped bottles for my wife to feed. We share bathing, diapers, etc. There are some things I do more of (walking dogs with baby in carrier everyday, clipping fingernails, etc.) and some things my wife does more of (riding in the backseat to comfort a cranky baby in her car seat, taking baby to music class and swim lessons, etc.) But, we really tried to both play active roles.

At about 6 months, our daughter started showing her preference toward me. At 7.5 months, it’s undeniable. In fact, she really doesn’t want ANYONE else holding her most of the time. She’ll tolerate short visits in other people’s arms, but for the most part, if I am present, she wants to be on or with me.

A big factor in this equation is that baby and I sleep pretty much attached. She nurses through the night, and I don’t really mind, so it is what it is (bad habits and all). She also has a strong preference for breast over bottle (from birth). So, if she thinks there is ANY chance she can have breast, she’ll stubbornly deny the bottle, even if it’s fresh, warm milk. Between 6:30 am and 3:00 pm, she will drink 5-6 ounces from the bottle from our nanny, and wait until I get home. At that point, she’ll chug milk through the afternoon and evening to make up for the lost calories. (Hellooooo reverse cycling).

My question is this: how long is the stage in which she insists that I be the one to tend to all of her needs going to last? It’s obviously frustrating for both my wife and I, and it clearly hurts my wife’s feelings. I try to remind her that it’s a healthy developmental stage, that it means our daughter is developing the essential skill of attachment, and that there will be PLENTY of times in the future when I am NOT the preferred parent and she is. Every baby goes through this, right? Do you have any suggestions? Any hope for when this will pass? Thank you!


Practicing eating “solids” from a miniature silicone spatula, because she finds spoons to be extremely offensive.


Chemical Pregnancy

My wife’s period started on Saturday. I harassed the heck out of her, “are you SURE it’s full flow? do you have cramps? is it just spotting? what color?” She assures me that it’s an actual period. That puts us back at CD4, on the third attempt at an unmedicated IUI.

Initially, we intended to do just one unmedicated IUI, but our clinic requires you to have an HSG before using clomid or femara. The clinic also requires you to take a month off of trying to have an HSG. I know that this doesn’t make any sense, but it is what it is. When the first IUI didn’t work, we decided that we didn’t want to miss the opportunity for the baby to have a September birthday (we both really like September), so we pressed forward with natural try #2. After this last cycle, and a chemical pregnancy, we decided to just push forward with ONE more natural cycle. I have read that women are very fertile the cycle after a chemical pregnancy, so we’re going to go with that unscientific theory and try one more time. If it doesn’t work, we’ll pause for the HSG. At that point, we might take one more month off to avoid a Christmas birthday. I have always felt bad for kids who have their birthdays overshadowed by the holidays. Is this silly? If you have a December or early January birthday and love it, please tell me.

The only other consideration that is haunting me at the moment is how many vials it’s going to take to make the sibling(s). I REALLY want to have three kids. (I would have six, if I could…) My wife is pretty much on board with three. (She would probably prefer two, but she isn’t too resistant to three). We have eight vials left to make 1-2 more kids. That sounds like plenty, right? And it also sounds like so few! Our donor is all sold out, though I have asked the bank to contact me if any vials get returned.

Anyhow, we push onward, enjoying the day-to-day with our miniature daughter. She’s just crossed the 11 lb threshold at 7 months, though she also just started wearing 9-month jammies because she’s so long. She has been sitting independently for about a month, rolls both ways, and loves to stand, holding on to things. She isn’t making any movements toward crawling, which is fine with me, frankly. She’ll get there some day, and when she does, keeping track of her will be 900x harder. She also poops on the toilet with 95% reliability, is TRYING to figure out the solid food thing, and has started to enjoy reading books rather than just gnawing on them and trying to tear pages. Other new interest: swinging.


Quick Update

We had another very faint positive test last night (14DPO). To be honest, all three of the pink dye tests looked about the same – all very faint. I’m a little bit concerned this could be an ectopic. My wife called the clinic to let them know she got a positive. She also needs to have her TSH tested again, because they put her on levothyroxine 30 days ago. We’re waiting to hear that they called the orders in to the lab, so she can go get a blood draw. Based on the faint pink lines, I think we’re going to hear a very low Beta. I probably won’t get another chance to update this weekend, but maybe by Monday I’ll have two beta numbers to compare.

Pink Dye Update

Well, I’m afraid we’re having a chemical pregnancy. Here is the test from last night (13DPO, 6 p.m.): 13dpo.jpg

The second line was definitely visible, but faint. I assumed that it was very light because we tested at the end of the day, not FMU. I expected this morning’s test to be darker.

And here is the test from this morning (14DPO, 6 a.m.):image1(4).JPG

The second line was much more faint…barely visible.

It’s pretty hard to ride the roller coaster of thinking you’re going to have a September baby, imagining announcements, calculating how far apart the siblings would be, etc. and then go to wondering when that sibling will ever come to be! When I was TTC, my wife was pretty oblivious to most of the ups and downs, and she didn’t know about things like chemical pregnancies, or the statistical probability that a test is accurate at 11, 12, 13 DPO. It’s not that she didn’t care, she just doesn’t obsessively research like I do, haha. This time it feels a little harder, because she is much more aware of the ups and downs, and I hate to see her be sad, angry, disappointed.

I haven’t given up all hope, but I do think a test should be darker on 14DPO if it’s a viable pregnancy. I’m turning to hoping that the cycle after a CP can be a very fertile time. I’m also glad to know that my wife’s tubes are open and she is capable of getting pregnant, because those are two hurdles that must be overcome! We’re going to do one more natural cycle before having an HSG and starting clomid. I think we’ll probably get a progesterone test during the TWW this time just to make sure that’s not what’s causing a problem.

Thank you all for your comments and feedback! It’s so nice to be able to have a community of people ready to throw their two cents in rather than rambling to a friend who has no idea what I’m talking about!

And just to end on an “up” note, this tiny bug has no idea of the roller coaster her moms are riding, hoping for her little brother or sister to materialize! image1(4).JPG

Conflicting Results….Thoughts?

So, my wife is in the midst of her second TWW on an unmedicated IUI. She used a trigger shot at 2 am the day before insem/ovulation, because she got a positive OPK when she got up in the night to pee.

She got a VERY faint positive with CBE Early Results (the plus sign) on 10 and 11 DPO. On 12DPO, the line was SLIGHTLY darker. Then today, 13DPO, she used CBE Digital, and it says “Not Pregnant.”

3 Tests.jpg

To be fair, the 11DPO test barely shows any more line since it has dried. But, it was definitely there during the test window.

1) The trigger was somehow creating a false positive THIRTEEN days later (at 12DPO). This seems far-fetched, and it doesn’t make sense why 12DPO would be darker than 11DPO, but the variation was very slight.
2) The second type of CBE (digital) is not as sensitive, so it’s not picking up the HCG yet, but she is actually pregnant.
3) Chemical pregnancy that is already ending.

Other considerations: she said she feels different than a normal PMS stage, and her boobs are much more sensitive. She said she feels “something happening” in there. Of course, as we all know, these can definitely be phantom symptoms. I’m not sure whether symptoms accompany a chemical pregnancy – I would guess not, but I’m sure it’s different for everyone.

Thoughts? Any other ideas? Has anyone gotten conflicting results from these two types of tests?

Here is the 12DPO test closer up. This photo was taken a full 24 hours after the test reading period, and the line was actually darker during the 10 minute window in which it should be read. As it dried/aged, the line faded. It was originally so clear that my wife could see it with just a lamp and without her glasses at 6 in the morning yesterday, but of course it was much lighter than the cross line.

I appreciate your insight!!